rocket to nowhere » uncategorized

man, ain’t nothin’ going on here . . .

sh — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:47:13 +0000

Just got this in the email:

rocket to nowhere (blahg)

— Site Summary —
Visits

Total ………………….. 10,798
Average per Day ……………… 3
Average Visit Length ………. 0:31
This Week ………………….. 23

Page Views

Total ………………….. 16,787
Average per Day ……………… 5
Average per Visit ………….. 1.4
This Week ………………….. 33

The numbers keep going down. Perhaps I should do something about it.

You must forgive me. I’m waking up slowly from a rather long sleep.

The salesman was a rather racist caricature

sh — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 10:45:36 +0000

I bought a pencil, and paid for it with a hand-painted astronaut figurine which was a 50¢ piece. The salesman also tried to sell me a package of condoms that came inside of a knock-off Barbie doll dressed as a knock-off Buzz Lightyear, which doll, when a secret button on its back was pressed, revealed a pencil sharpener where the Barbie’s vagina would have been. I did not buy it. When I left the shop, my purchased pencil turned into an HO scale boxcar. This was not at all remarkable.

Not Andy Sewell

sh — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 04:10:12 +0000

not even a little bit

blogging is awesome, I’m so thirsty

sh — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 12:26:34 +0000

I’m being followed on Twitter by at least one bot that thinks it’s . . . going to college? participating in a lot (and I mean a lot) of sports? having a great time? not feeling well? I don’t honestly know. But whatever this is, every single one of its tweets is constructed just like the title of this post. And that’s all it seems to do. It doesn’t appear, at the moment, to be linking to enlargement pills or porn. And there seem to be multiple versions of this bot. The one that just “decided” to follow me is “named” Jennie Carillo, but I found others by googling one of its tweets. There’s one called Tilda Cohan, one called Brianne Messner, and even one called Alfredia Buchholz.

I think the tweets are particularly interesting, and make, when read together, a kind of story or poem about overactivity, thirst, and also, somehow, desire. Let’s call this poem “Jennie Carillo.” I have highlighted some lines I find interesting and/or strange:

homework was good, let’s go out now
field hockey day is spectacular, let’s do that again
triathlon all day was insanely nice, drinking water
swimming day is super, not feeling well now
hockey game was amazing, feel amazing
field hockey day is super, i’m so thirsty
homework was amazing, need to relax
doing homework is good, I want to do it again
tennis all day was good, need to see a doc
weightlifting today is good, feel better now
soccer play is insane, let’s do this again
cycling day was extremely good, sleepy now nite
rowing night is out of this world, feel better now
teaching is good, let’s do that again
hockey game was awesome, i’m so thirsty
homework is super, I want to sleep now
tennis all day is super, not feeling well now
football game is insane, feel awesome
eating today is amazing, it’s hurting now
diving night is amazing, need to relax
gaming is amazing, not feeling well now
fencing lessons was super, want to just chil
jumping was insanely nice, i’m super tired
basketball play was spectacular, I want to sleep now
beach volleyball was nice, want to relax
teaching was good, thanks
working was out of this world, lets hit a pub now
homework was super, I want to do it again
judo game is spectacular, going to the store now
fencing lessons was spectacular, taking it easy now
jumping was extremely good, want to just chil
going out was nice, super relaxation now
water polo today is good, let’s go out now
playing is insanely nice, let’s do that again
beach volleyball was amazing, just chilling now
basketball game was super, feel better now
basketball game was spectacular, need to relax
gymnastics lessons was insane, i’m so thirsty
water polo today was amazing, drinking water
wrestling today was nice, want to drink water
college is out of this world, need some water
cycling day is extremely good, feel awesome
cycling day was super, thanks i’m tired now
softball night was insane, clubbing tonight
working was nice, let’s go out now
baseball play was out of this world, feel amazing
univercity is insanely nice, going to the store now
judo game was awesome, feel amazing
homework was insanely nice, need to take it easy
tennis all day was spectacular, super relaxation now
cycling day was extremely good, it’s hurting now
table tennis is insane, going to the store now
driving is insane, i’m super tired
modern pentathlon is awesome, i’m so thirsty
golf day is spectacular, want to relax
soccer play was amazing, lets hit a pub now
canoe / kayak is good, want to relax
judo game is insane, want to relax
baseball play is amazing, going to the store now

the Bavarian dialect drops almost all word endings

sh — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 23:08:26 +0000

Yesterday, while driving around, I saw a license plate holder with the word “Mizzou” on it. Ignoring, for the time being, the fact that I have no idea where that word came from, why it has two Zs in it, or even how it is used, it made me think about how some people say “missou-ree,” and others say “missou-ruh.” It occurred to me that this difference is almost entirely a function of what some people would call comfortableness and others would call laziness: More muscle work is required to say “missou-ree.” Try it. When you say, “missou-ree,” your mouth remains tight at the end of the word, but when you say “missou-ruh,” your mouth forgoes that extra bit of work, giving new meaning to the term “slackjawed.”

Is it an accepted fact or an unfortunate bit of prejudiced myth that because southern climates are generally warmer, the people who live in them can’t be bothered to move their mouths and lips more than absolutely necessary?

Perhaps the word “Mizzou” exists simply as a compromise between the “ree” and “ruh” camps.

I have a nephew!

sh — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 15:41:13 +0000

He was born shortly after midnight. My sister called around 1a.m., and so I don’t remember if she said 6lb. 8oz. or 8lb. 6oz. Whatever. He’s beautiful and healthy, and mom is doing well. A name is forthcoming.

the entertained question

sh — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 17:59:50 +0000

This post exists simply to highlight another blog I like. I could give you a run-down, perform some sort of critique, tell you why, or, I could just show you this, and say, “Go look at dadoodoflow right now.”

pencils!

sh — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:00:02 +0000

Since my oddly illustrated post about insects and pencils, my friend Kristy and I have been talking (well, digitally; mostly via the Facebook) about pencil obsession, which is something other people (not me, not Kristy) have. I initially pointed her to Mark Frauenfelder’s review of the new, pre-production Palomino Blackwing on boingboing, as well as some other pencil-obsessed sites. Earlier today, Kristy pointed me here, FTW:

PENCIL TIP SCULPTURE BY AN ARTIST NAMED DALTON GHETTI!!!

please read the image in this post from bottom to top

sh — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 04:02:29 +0000

This is already several days old, which on the internet is months or something. However, I highly recommend reading it out loud to someone who would appreciate it. Then, go out and buy the first four seasons of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! on DVD.

om nom nom squared

sh — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 20:49:20 +0000

UPDATED! I fixed the link to the recipes!

just saw this on boingboing, and thought you should also see it right this very instant: The Minimalist–101 Fast Recipes for Grilling