rocket to nowhere

The first thing I saw, the first thing I really saw, after I had had a moment to adjust my looking to everything I was seeing, was the udder of the great Holstein and the thin arc of milk expelling itself from one of her teats. Only then did I see her dangling head, the void surrounding her spine, and the blood draining from that void. Beyond that, there were men with knives doing a job, doing their jobs, and another man with an innocuous-seeming device which he used in a manner not dissimilar from the way a police detective uses arrest—as a formality at the end of a longer, secretive process carried out in doorways and on small slips of paper.

vs.

But there is a burden which will need to be shed, and that burden is named Robert. And Robert, though immensely small (small and still, a perfectly spherical zero) is also immensely heavy.

He took a walk. When people don’t have signs or other external cues for direction, they will probably end up walking in circles. Robert walked a circle with every step and still managed to get somewhere and not just the madhouse. (We don’t say “madhouse” anymore.) He took a walk and then he sat down. He sat down and then he made chicken scratches all over the back of a receipt for a cup of coffee and a peach muffin. Those chicken scratches became this story. (But this isn’t a story. (And Robert isn’t writing it.))

He took a walk. You might well ask where he took it. All right then, he went for a walk. He put one foot in front of the other. He compelled himself forward. He was walking. And he didn’t always realize it, but he was always falling. With each step he fell forward slightly. And then caught himself from falling. Over and over, you’re falling. And then catching yourself from falling. And this is how he could be walking and falling at the same time.

That is not, perhaps, the circle you were thinking of. He took a walk (that construction again!). Then he took a bow (ah, that’s why! (but it’s still not quite right . . . )). He went for a walk. He bowed. He bowed deeply, modestly, with sincere humility, but he also showed some pride in his bow because he knew how to bow, and he knew how to do it well. Robert did not bow when he was walking. (Well, once, at the very end, but I’m trying to avoid including biographical facts. They fit too nicely.) He did not bow when he made his pencil marks (what I have previously and unfairly referred to as “chicken scratches”). But, of course, his markings and his ramblings were made up almost entirely of a constant, circular bowing. Which is, of course, exactly how one makes a small, still, perfectly spherical zero.

He wanted to be smaller, to be small. It is irrelevant whether or not he achieved this goal. (Is it?) He certainly achieved a deep silence, but that’s once again uncomfortably close to biographical detail.

Oh look! But here! His mother suffered depression! One brother ended his own life! One brother’s life ended in an asylum (where Robert also lived, later)! He walked miles every day! His handwriting got smaller and smaller! He couldn’t live a normal life! He ended up in an asylum! He said, “I’m not here to write. I’m here to be mad”! He died on a walk, in the snow, on Christmas Day! These things, if correctly marshaled, must explain all 26 volumes of text! (But they don’t. And they can’t. And I’m not entirely sure the small, still, perfectly spherical zero can, either.)

Perhaps only the text can explain the text. (What difference does it make, motherfucker?)

1. This is proof that sound can plumb emotional depths even if the soundmaker/s probably have no experience of those emotions (at those depths).

2. This is proof that emotional depths are not ever deepened by the “I’m singing soulfully and with great meaning” set of gestures (where did these children learn said set?).

3. This is further proof that nothing Stevie Nicks related can be bad.

(video via WFMU)

• Lunch: bread, peanut butter, banana, bread, choco spread, banana, mallow cream, bread. Grilled! http://twitpic.com/uf1h1 #
• I think I have chosen to spend most of today and tomorrow baking. #fb #
• Do you think my wife will come home from the swimming pool soon? #
• @tierack Neutral and feminine, respectively. Thank you. in reply to tierack #
• Out of canola oil. I had already mixed the vanilla, soy milk, and lemon juice. That has now curdled. #baking #
• The date walnut cookies are really good! #fb #
• Does anyone like going to the gym? #fb #
• The weather east of us has canceled our trip. Spending our first married Christmas alone. #fb #
• @LairdHunt Thank you and Merry Xmas to you and yours! in reply to LairdHunt #
• @jesswigent Thank you and Merry Xmas to you and Frank and America's best lager! in reply to jesswigent #
• Now going to take a walk through the sun and powder. #fb #
• I was just on Talk of the Nation! #fb #
• @Colter_Burkey Thank you sir! And to you as well! in reply to Colter_Burkey #
• I don't care what your religious proclivities are. Please use this day to be nice to people–they deserve it (even if they don't). #

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• A good reading. A good meal. A homey bar. A WICKED POWERSERVE! (@jesswigent!) #
• @L_Kessler Na, super! Vielen Dank für das Tweet. Ich hoffe, es geht Euch gut! in reply to L_Kessler #
• blue whales are lowering the pitch of their songs: http://bit.ly/5oLnAs (via @Dk_Watson) #
• I'm not a big fan of autotune, but this, OMG, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSgiXGELjbc #
• One of the few things the iPhone really can't be is a mirror. #
• @ergophizmiz What dies it mean? It's not in the OED. Thanks! in reply to ergophizmiz #
• I certainly hope my students put enough postage on these envelopes. #
• RT @boingboing Brain on the Sistine Chapel? Boing Boing http://bit.ly/8tgrHR #

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Conjunctions.com has just posted (beautiful) selections from my friend Richard Froude’s work Fabric. Here is a link to the work at Conjunctions.com. Here is an excerpt:

Despite his twentieth-century notoriety, Tutankhamen is considered a minor king. I think Frank Sinatra was buried with a tootsie roll, a roll of quarters, other New Jersey artifacts. I keep telling Rohini they should put a change machine in the laundry room. It’s 2008 and I’m 29 years old.

According to Sartre the activity of consciousness is a constant reappraisal of the past in the light of a projected future. In this sense, fiction is revealed as the most popular form of immortality. I don’t think I’m going to explain this any further.

2006 Honda Civic
Mileage: 36,383
Trim: LX
Transmission: 5 Speed Manual
Doors: 4
Engine: 4 Cyl 1.8L/110 Gas
MPG: 30 Cty / 38 Hwy
Exterior Color: Red
Interior Color: Tan

This low-mileage (36383), well-taken-care-of, Honda Civic comes with manual transmission, power windows, single-CD player, and the Honda Music Link adapter for iPod. Both engine and body are in great shape. The car has never been in an accident. A small chip in the windshield was repaired in 2007. It has received all scheduled maintenance (all paperwork is available on request, and I will happily show you the Carfax). And it still gets great gas mileage. This Honda has had only one (non-smoking) owner. This may be the ideal car: Practical, reliable, and still a lot of fun to drive!

Call Shawn at 303.351.1374

Or see the ad on Vehix.com here.

by Matt Kish

• Yes indeed, Archimboldi forever. #fb #
• At a Thai restaurant in West Des Moines: "Feedim Fried Tofu" http://maps.google.com/?q=41.623099%2C-93.755859 #
• Having to slow down for the snow just miles from home after 2 days of driving and more than a week away from home is really really annoying. #
• The giant crab claw which is supposed to be the right hind leg looks more like a scary penis than a leg. #chimerical! #
• I'll be reading in Fort Collins on Saturday with Dani Rado, Richard Froude, and Jennifer Denrow. Come out! http://bit.ly/7UxZPC #
• Here's that link: http://www.rocket2nowhere.com/blahg/2009/12/10/happy-in-paraguay/ #
• Broken water pipe! Water in the house! Now no water! No heat! Exclamation point! Exclamation point! Exclamation point! Exclamation point! #
• All fixed! And the main floor, which hasn't had heat for days, is finally beginning to warm up! (!!!) #fb #

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(thanks pHarmanaut)

I’ll be reading this coming Saturday in Fort Collins at the Art Lab as part of the Remembered Maps exhibition my good friend Jess put together. I’ll be supporting the fabulous Dani Rado, Richard Froude, and Jennifer Denrow! Check the link for more details. You should come out and support live literary and visual arts!

Link: http://rememberedmapsatartlab.wordpress.com/

See you there!