More fun’n a barrel of Vikings, it’s . . .

• How many Vikings can you fit in a barrel?

• Depends on the size of the barrel.

• . . . eh?

• That partic’lar model’ll fitcha ’bout 75 to 100 full-size Vikings depending on howya stack ‘em.

• Yep, yep, but I got them kinda Vikins with them horny hats, is that gonna raise a fuss?

• Well y’see here, tek-nik-ly yer standard issue Viking never wore him nunna them fancy horned hats. That thar is an invention of the arts y’might say, used t’make yer standard Viking a little more sexy t’the general pop’lace. I mean, who don’t like him a horned hat? However, an’ I regret t’inform you of this, but wutcha got yerself there’s a whole passel’a fake Vikings. I hope y’didn’t pay too dern much for’m, cuz you been took.

• Well, piss on a cat’s ass, how am I supposed to shoot my movie now? What am I supposed to send over Niagra, a barrell full of Cherokee injuns? That don’t make a damn bit of sense, now do it?

• Well, why didncha say you wuz shootin’ a moovee? Didncha hear me say jes a minnit ago that them horned hat Vikings wuz a creation of the arts? If you’s creatin’ a moovin’ pitcher, you gots exactly whutcha need now dontcha? An’ so dontcha want ‘em to raise a fuss? Ain’t that whut Vikings’s sposed to do? Garsh, if’n I worn’t so derned polite, I might say you been a-wastin’ my time here. You wanna buy the barrel or no?

• I’ll give you three bones.

• Whut kinda bones?

• Femurs and the like. The Vikings had them. I don’t ask questshuns.

• Human ‘r animal?

• Well, due to their whiteness and length and such, I’m gonna go ‘head n’ say human.

• They got iny special magickal properties ‘r anithin? I mean, this’s a pretty damn big barrell we’s talking ’bout here, and yer only offerin’ me five of them bones. I gots kids to feed ‘n clothe, mah friend.

• Goddamnit I said three bones, and if you got kiddies worryin’ ya, hit em on the head with one of these goddamn big bear bones until they stop yammerin’. I mean . . .