rocket to nowhere

“you must choose between the things not worth mentioning and those even less so.” -samuel beckett

nine of diamonds

for AH:

He helped Babette push her loaded cart. I heard him say to her, ‘Tibetans believe there is a transitional state between death and rebirth. Death is a waiting period, basically. Soon a fresh womb will receive the soul. In the meantime the soul restores to itself some of the divinity lost at birth.’ He studied her profile as if to detect a reaction. ‘That’s what I think of whenever I come in here. This place recharges us spiritually, it prepares us, it’s a gateway or pathway. Look how bright. It’s full of psychic data.”

My wife smiled at him.

‘Everything is concealed in symbolism, hidden by veils of mystery and layers of cultural material. But it is psychic data, absolutely. The large doors slide open, they close unbidden. Energy waves, incident radiation. All the letters and numbers are here, all the colors of the spectrum, all the voices and sounds, all the code words and ceremonial phrases. It is just a question of deciphering, rearranging, peeling off the layers of unspeakability. Not that we would want to, not that any useful purpose would be served. this is not Tibet. Even Tibet is not Tibet anymore.’

He studied her profile. She put some yogurt in her cart.

‘Tibetans try to see death for what it is. It is the end of attachment to things. This simple truth is hard to fathom. But once we stop denying death, we can proceed calmly to die and then go on to experience uterine rebirth or Judeo-Christian afterlife or out-of-body experience or a trip on a UFO or whatever we wish to call it. We can do so with clear vision, without awe or terror. We don’t have to cling to life artificially, or to death for that matter. We simply walk toward the sliding doors. Waves and radiation. Look how well-lighted everything is. The place is sealed off, self-contained. It is timeless. Another reason why I think of Tibet. Dying is an art in Tibet. A priest walks in, sits down, tells the weeping relatives to get out and has the room sealed. Doors, windows sealed. He has serious business to see to. Chants, numerology, horoscopes, recitations. Here we don’t die, we shop. But the difference is less marked than you think.’

He was almost whispering now and I tried to get up closer without ramming my cart into Babette’s. I wanted to hear everything.

‘Supermarkets this large and clean and modern are a revelation to me. I spent my life in small steamy delicatessens with slanted display cabinets full of trays that hold soft wet lumpy matter in pale colors. High enough cabinets so you had to stand on tiptoes to give your order. Shouts, accents. In cities no one notices specific dying. Dying is a quality of the air. It’s everywhere and nowhere. Men shout as they die, to be noticed, remembered for a second or two. To die in an apartment instead of a house can depress the soul, I would imagine, for several lives to come. In a town there are houses, plants in bay windows. People notice dying better. The dead have faces, automobiles. If you don’t know a name, you know a street name, a dog’s name. “He drove an orange Mazda.” You know a couple o useless things about a person that become major facts of identification and cosmic placement when he dies suddenly, after a short illness, in his own bed, with a comforter and matching pillows, on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, feverish, a little congested in the sinuses and chest, thinking about his dry cleaning.’

          —Don Delillo, White Noise

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5 of diamonds

“The study of thinking machines teaches us more about the brain than we can learn by introspective methods. Western man is externalizing himself in the form of gadgets. Ever pop coke in the mainline? It hits you right in the brain, activating connections of pure pleasure. The pleasure of morphine is in the viscera. You listen down into yourself after a shot.”
          —William S. Burroughs, Naked Lunch

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8 of spades

And if I failed to mention this detail in its proper place, it is because you cannot mention everything in its proper place, you must choose, between the things not worth mentioning and those even less so. For if you set out to mention everything you would never be done, and that’s what counts, to be done, to have done.
          —Samuel Beckett, Molloy

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-06-27

  • @hudspkl b/c you have no expectations & nothing to lose. Or was that a rhetorical question? in reply to hudspkl #
  • @LairdHunt Happy Father's Day. Thanks for the shout-out. in reply to LairdHunt #
  • Leaving IA. Will try to read while riding in the car. Left my deck of cards at home. Will flip one later. #reading #
  • 6 of diamonds: most of The Blithedale Romance in a car across IA and NE. #reading #
  • A little late: 5 of hearts: typing notes, finishing Blithedale (damned mystery set-up!), falling more behind. #reading #
  • 6 of clubs: Flaubert, James, and Forster. Still two days behind. No worries. Just keep reading. #
  • 4 of hearts: finish Forster, then Ulysses, To the Lighthouse, and Mr. Bennett and Mrs. Brown. Seriously, both Ulysses and To the Lighthouse. #
  • RT @robcorddry: I wish it had been Michael Jackson that broke the story of TMZ dying. I can almost hear the high-fives. (via @kjcw) #
  • I worry that this process will kill my love for reading or at least destroy the ability to let a text wash over me. #reading #
  • Ace of Spades! Dos Passos, Faulkner–I'm letting Lukacs drop and going back to Auerbach who got lost along the way somewhere. #
  • Sometimes difficult to remember to think about The Novel instead of This novel right here. #
  • Auerbach, you beautiful bastard! #

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4 of hearts, pt. 2

He worked hard—seven hours a day; his subject was now the influence of something upon somebody—they were walking on and Mrs. Ramsay did not quiet catch the meaning, only the words, here and there . . . dissertation . . . fellowship . . . readership . . . lectureship. She could not follow the ugly academic jargon, that rattled itself off so glibly, but said to herself that she saw now why going to the circus had knocked him off his perch, poor little man, and why he came out, instantly, with all that about his father and mother and brothers and sisters, and she would see to it that they didn’t laugh at him any more; she would tell Prue about it.
          —Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

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4 of hearts

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6 of clubs, pt. 2

As long as learning is connected with earning, as long as certain jobs can only be reached through exams, so long must we take the examination system seriously. If another ladder to employment were contrived, much so-called education would disappear, and no one be a penny the stupider.
          —E. M. Forster, Aspects of the Novel

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6 of clubs

On the hill there was a poor tramp wandering about with his stick, in among the carriages. A mass of rags covered his shoulders, and a squashed beaver-hat, bent down into the shape of a bowl, concealed his face; but, when he took it off, he exposed, instead of eyelids, two yawning bloodstained holes. The flesh was tattered into scarlet strips; and fluid was trickling out, congealing into green crusts that reached down to his nose, with black nostrils that kept sniffing convulsively. Whenever he spoke, he threw back his head with an idiot laugh;—then his blue eyes, rolling continuously, would graze the edges of the open sores, near both temples.

He used to sing a little song as he followed the carriages:

Souvent la chaleur d’un beau jour
   [Maids in the warmth of a summer day,]
Fait rêver fillette à l’amour.
   [Dream of love, and of love always . . . ]

          —Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

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5 of hearts

[The sharks] viciously snapped, not only at each other’s disembowelments, but like flexible bows, bent round, and bit their own; till those entrails seemed swallowed over and over again by the same mouth, to be oppositely voided by the gaping wound.
—Melville, Moby-Dick

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-06-20

  • Tired but afraid I'll have trouble sleeping for nervousness before the big read. #
  • My reading schedule, not counting built-in spillage days, is 52 days long. The number of weeks in a year. The number of cards in a deck. #
  • Just purchased and shuffled a deck of cards for my 52 days of reading. Will turn a card for each day. Today's: Jack of clubs. #reading #
  • Not yet sure what I'll do with this playing card information. #reading #
  • Ace of Diamonds: Watt-Rise of the Novel; Defoe-Robinson Crusoe; McKeon-Theory of the Novel #
  • Watt sez Quixote is myth not novel, but both book and character are more self-aware (1 of Watt's criteria(?)) than Robinson Crusoe. #
  • 7 of Diamonds: Frye, Freud, Benjamin; Richardson, Fielding; Auerbach (there's no way) #
  • Who doesn't want to cap off a day of intense reading by going to Flatiron Crossing in Broomfield? #
  • 2 of clubs: Auerbach, Sterne, Bakhtin (Frye? Freud?) (and I keep forgetting the hash tag) #reading #
  • The first yerba mate of the afternoon is steeping . . . #
  • 6 of hearts: Hawthorne, Melville, and a 9 hour drive. #
  • 6:30 in Iowa is 5:30 in Denver, but it's important to get to the firehouse early for pancakes. #

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